Noisy Deadlines

For some reason, August was a hard month for reading. I try to find time for reading in the morning, before work, or after work. Sometimes I can read a little during my lunch break. But on some days I was too exhausted to read before bed. Or I was too distracted. It was hard to read this month! I started an audiobook (Mythos: The Greek Myths Retold by Stephen Fry), and even that was hard for me to focus on (it is a long audiobook about Greek mythology, so I’ll take my time).

Also, I’ve decided to leave Amazon’s e-book empire and did some research on other e-reading devices/systems. I chose to get a Kobo e-reader and I’m loving it so far. It integrates seamlessly with the Ottawa Public Library system, so cool! And since I’m abandoning Amazon, Goodreads will probably be the next one to go… More on that in a future post…🧐

The two books I read this month were part of my local Book Club discussions. Two opposites, I loved one and the other one was “bleh…”, but I’m glad I experienced it. I almost finished Book #5 of The Dresden files, so that will go on the next month’s list.

1. Blood of the Mantis (Shadows of the Apt #3) by Adrian Tchaikovsky, 429p: This series keeps getting better. It was nice to follow the characters to different places. We get to know Solarno (in Spiderlands), Jerez (a black market city, with a mysterious lake), and Szar (a Bee-Kinden city). I loved the  Pilots of the Exalsee, a type of aviators club/group with their own code of honor and obviously against The Empire. The plot revolves around the search for the Shadow Box and who gets it. Now that I know who got it, I gotta keep on reading the series to find out what the box actually does! (hint: obviously some evil things)

2. The Dragon Waiting by John M. Ford, 368p: This is a complicated book. I know some people who loved it, some people who didn’t. I can see why it is loved because of the historical references and it has become a classic. It's an alternate history with vampires (written in the '80s), and maybe I would have enjoyed it more if I was a little more knowledgeable about the Wars of the Roses in the 15th century. To be honest, I lost interest in the characters at about 60%. There were random scenes happening here and there that seemed to be out of place to me. It was hard to follow the passage of time in this book. The writing is very polished, and the author leaves a lot of action and descriptions to the reader's imagination. using metaphors. Even actions are only hinted at, so it's a book that you gotta work it in your brain to get it, I guess.

#readinglist #books #reading

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By Noisy Deadlines Minimalist in progress, nerdy, introvert, skeptic. I don't leave without my e-reader.

1. Empress of Forever by Max Gladstone, 480p: This is a very imaginative book and it pushes boundaries between sci-fi and fantasy. I think it's a fantasy disguised as sci-fi. There are cool elements like the order of the cyborg monks, the pilots of Orn, The Cloud, and Zang, the Pirate Queen (who was my favorite character). There were some downsides that kept me from enjoying it more, like: the overuse of metaphors/imagery: descriptions were too abstract most of the time for my brain to picture locations and even character appearance; some incomprehensible action scenes: I had difficulty visualizing and understanding what was happening; there were no clear rules for the world: what were the limits of space travel? how things and people could change sizes and shapes? I couldn't see a sense of threat in the story. Nobody seemed to be in real danger because everyone was so overpowerful, including The Empress. So, I feel like I should have been enjoying it more than I have. The premise was cool, but I felt it was overdone and got lost in the abstract world too much.

2. Summer Knight (The Dresden Files #4) by Jim Butcher, 379p: Serious things happening in the Faerie land between the Summer and the Winter court. We get to know more about the White Council and the other wizards. Someone (that we were sure was dead) is not dead! It's nice to see that the writing on this book feels more mature, and Harry Dresden continues to grow as a strong wizard. He's more powerful than we are led to believe in the first books. It's a really good series and one that I'll keep on reading.

3. Reader, Come Home: The Reading Brain in a Digital World by Maryanne Wolf, 272p: Do we read more deeply with physical books? That's one of the conclusions of this book, and I wasn't so convinced by it. I think reading on a mobile device, a tablet, or on a computer is totally different from reading using an e-reader with e-ink technology. The author discusses research that pointed out the importance of the “physicality” of books, the shape, the visual sense of how many pages there are in the book, and how all those cues are important for reading. There are interesting discussions on how technological native children will develop their reading skills. Are they going to be able to read long books? And get a deep understanding of the contents and ideas? Or the way they consume digital information will make them shallow readers? As an avid e-reader myself, I don't think there is a difference between reading a physical book and an e-book in terms of the level of understanding. The environment and distractions around me are a better indicator of how much I'm engaged in the reading. This book started a good discussion about the future of reading. And how our brains might change or adapt to different mediums.

4. What I Talk About When I Talk About Running by Haruki Murakami, 188p (AUDIO): Lovely memoir with an inspiring take on exercise, specifically, a running life. This book was insightful and fun but it also talks about the downsides of his running life. His failures and pains. And what happens in his mind when he runs:

“The thoughts that occur to me while I’m running are like clouds in the sky. Clouds of all different sizes. They come and they go, while the sky remains the same sky always. The clouds are mere guests in the sky that pass away and vanish, leaving behind the sky.”

I like to run, but I'm not what Murakami would consider a “serious runner” who runs 6 miles a day, 6 days a week. Maybe someday I'll get there. The goal is to keep on moving, bit by bit every day.

#readinglist #books #reading

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By Noisy Deadlines Minimalist in progress, nerdy, introvert, skeptic. I don't leave without my e-reader.

I’ve been successfully cultivating the habit of running regularly. I try to run every day unless it’s raining (not a fan of running in the rain) or I have an unavoidable appointment. It usually happens sometime after 5:30 pm.

I run the same 5K path every day. And I started to notice the flowers along the way. There are always new flowers appearing here and there, new colors flourish, small flowers turn bigger, flowers mingled with green. I don’t think I ever that much attention to flowers before. I especially love the tiny ones.

#summer #flowers

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By Noisy Deadlines Minimalist in progress, nerdy, introvert, skeptic. I don't leave without my e-reader.

I started listening to audiobooks this month. I still prefer reading fiction the old-fashion way using my eyes (with a slight touch of technology with an e-reader) but I’m okay listening to non-fiction. Especially now that I started using my public library to listen to books. I had fun with Harry Dresden and powered through the honker that is Dragonfly Falling. All worth it!

1. Grave Peril (The Dresden Files #3) by Jim Butcher, 378p: Stakes are higher for Harry Dresden on this book. Innocent people die, more than I've seen in previous books. Overly powerful ghost demons, sorcerers, and vampires. We learn there are 3 types of vampires in this world and what are their differences. They ended up being way more powerful than I thought. Harry Dresden also shows some wicked powers. It's pure action fun, with supernatural stuff going on.

2. Adventures in Opting Out: A Field Guide to Leading an Intentional Life by Cait Flanders, 272p: This was a perfect book to consume in audio form. I listened to it in the mornings and I enjoyed its friendly tone. It made me feel good about my life choices because it touches on how it is important for us to build our own unique lives, without caring about “societal norms”. Each one of us will choose a different path, and that's okay. I liked it because it is a memoir filled with hiking references. It's beautifully written and such a feel-good read.

3. Dragonfly Falling (Shadows of the Apt #2) by Adrian Tchaikovsky, 689p: Lots of things going on in this book because the War has come and the main characters are all scattered in different cities trying to defend themselves from the Wasp Empire advance. It's rich with battle scenes and military strategy discussions. And I was not bored by it. Thalric continues to be that complex lawful-evil character turned lawful-neutral. Totho makes a sacrifice that is probably changing his alignment. It's war and people die. All the characters go through the process of growing up, caught in a reality that is much harsher and more violent than they've ever imagined. They are not students anymore, it's the real deal.

4. Conscious: A Brief Guide to the Fundamental Mystery of the Mind by Annaka Harris, 144p: This is very meta. We are conscious. But what does it mean? How does it feel to be conscious? Why do we feel we are conscious? Are trees conscious as well? What about rocks? What about atoms? What is the hard problem of consciousness? It's a book full of interesting questions. Perfect for a wandering mind.

#readinglist #books #reading

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By Noisy Deadlines Minimalist in progress, nerdy, introvert, skeptic. I don't leave without my e-reader.

Overconsumption. I veered off the path of excess consumption of material goods a few years ago. Minimalism was my tool for that. I like the definition given by The Minimalists:

Minimalism is a tool to rid yourself of life’s excess in favor of focusing on what’s important—so you can find happiness, fulfillment, and freedom.

Noticing objects and material stuff around us is easy. It’s visible. We can plan decluttering sessions and visibly see space getting created. Now, what about intangible stuff? Information? Thoughts? Memories? Worry?

I don’t have excess material possessions anymore. Everything I have is enough and fills my needs. That doesn’t mean I live with less than 100 items, it just means I have what I consider is enough for myself and my lifestyle. It’s not about restrictions, it’s about eliminating the superfluous.

But I’ve been consuming and accumulating a lot of digital stuff over the years: hundreds of clipped articles on Evernote, guides and manuals I never read, RSS feeds from dozens of sites, articles to read saved on Instapaper or Pocket, dozens of newsletters cluttering my inbox, social media feeds.

It took a while, but I opted out of many of those digital things and now I think I have only what is meaningful to me:

• I subscribe to 5 newsletters now, having unsubscribed from dozens in the past months. This amount is not overwhelming to me right now. It feels manageable.
• I cancelled my Instapaper subscription. I had this idea that I would build a digital library with my notes and all the articles I read over time. I realized it was not important to me. I had more articles than I had time to read them. And the list of unread articles made me feel anxious. So I decided not to collect articles anymore. I much rather read a book.
• I unsubscribed from dozens (if not hundreds) of RSS feeds. I kept 5 blogs and 1 comic strip (Dilbert) that I still enjoy reading once in a while.
• I don’t use Evernote anymore. It was too easy to just collect stuff. If I want to take notes I use Standard Notes. Creating > collecting.
• I stopped listening to a few podcasts. From a list of 15+ podcasts I was subscribed to, I decided to stick with 5 of them. And I don’t feel obliged to listen to all of them. I look at the feed and decide if it is an episode that interests me, otherwise, I just delete it.
• I stopped using social media.
• I cut down the time I spent watching YouTube. I still enjoy some science-related channels, but since I stopped using social media, I don’t feel the pull to go to YouTube anymore.
• I still read books. That’s one type of information that energizes me. And opting out of all the other forms of digital consumption gave me more time to enjoy reading.

I've simplified many aspects of my life already. Little things like creating a uniform for myself (black pants and a shirt) to go to work make it super easy to get dressed up. I don't waste energy in the morning choosing this or that fashion trend. It’s liberating. Same thing with my breakfast: I eat the same meal every day. It's automatic: I prepare my omelet in the morning and that's it.

I feel like I have more headspace now. It’s a subtle change, but it’s there. Things are slowing down in my mind. I don't crave newsfeeds anymore. On the contrary, I cringe when I see any type of random automated endless newsfeed now. I feel calmer. I feel like I can make decisions. Even the smallest ones were hard for me at times: What should I choose from the sandwich menu? Which phone call should I make first? Which book should I read? What do I want for dinner? It’s all clearer now.

I've regained my love of reading. And my ability to read for long hours. There is space now!

#noisymusings #journal #minimalism

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By Noisy Deadlines Minimalist in progress, nerdy, introvert, skeptic. I don't leave without my e-reader.

Tomorrow I’ll be back to working at the office full time. I’ve been working from home since April 5th, 2021 now. And before that, it was 30 days at home in January/February. So it was a total of 86 days working from home in 2021 or almost 60% of the total days.

I don’t hate working from home, on the contrary, I think it’s refreshing. Maybe if I lived someplace bigger with a dedicated office to work on, I would say I could never go back to a corporate office environment again. But the industry I work in doesn’t really appreciate remote work. On the contrary, my company believes that remote work can’t and will never build “the corporate culture”. They’ve given the employees the means to work from home during the worst of the pandemic when we were in lockdown. But deep down, most managers deeply hated it.

After the first lockdown period, where everybody was working from home, the senior managers of my company decided that they can’t do it, so they came back to the office. So for a long time they were the “skeleton crew” at the office while the rest of the team was at home, trying to deal with all the challenges that this new arrangement brought. I mention this because, for some period of time when schools and daycares were closed, it was painful to watch my co-workers trying to be in a meeting with their kids wanting their attention. Everybody was stressed, nobody could keep the same productivity levels, and still, the senior managers were demanding the same level of compromise. For them, the world was normal. They were quietly working in their individual offices, not having to face the working-from-home challenge.

And now I’m getting back to the office. I got the first dose of the COVID vaccine already, and the company is keeping all the restrictions to avoid the spread of the virus (rapid testing 3x/week, mandatory use of masks, virtual meetings). That’s not the issue. I just wasn’t expecting it to happen tomorrow, and I felt extremely anxious about it. It’s like I’m being forced out of my cocoon. Maybe I thought this process would be more gradual, like working a few days at home then a few days at the office, until all came back to “normal”.

There is something about this situation that bothers me: the fact that there will be no openness to “occasional” remote work after we get back to working “normally” at the office. I think in some industries there have been discussions over having flexible working arrangements from now on. And I think that is a cool option to have. I don’t think that is going to happen within my company.

I’ve developed some habits that help me cope with stress, like meditating early in the afternoon or whenever I feel something triggered me, taking 15 minutes breaks to read a book, or just stopping and breathing some fresh air on my balcony.

I’m wondering how am I going to keep these habits at the office. It seems harder over there. Meditating? Pfff… I’ll probably have to use the lady’s room. We’ll see!

#noisymusings #work #anxiety

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By Noisy Deadlines Minimalist in progress, nerdy, introvert, skeptic. I don't leave without my e-reader.

To get out of a reading slump I focused this month on reading some light romance novels. And it worked! I read 3 non-fiction books, and one of them was extremely helpful to me: The Getting Things Done Workbook.

1. The Duke and I (Bridgertons #1) by Julia Quinn, 384p: I was curious to read this book because of the Netflix series. I haven't watched the show but I've heard some blurbs about it. And, I had fun reading it, for the most part. I thought the build-up romance was well done in the beginning. I enjoyed the funny dialogues between the two main protagonists. But there was something weird about the female main character. Daphne was portrayed as being smart for the local regency standards. We hear her saying that she was raised with 4 brothers, so she knew everything about rakes and swear words. She's in her 20's, and then we find out that she didn't know how babies are made? And she didn't have a clue what happens to “consummate a marriage”? That threw me off a little bit, suddenly she wasn't as smart as I'd thought. And the conundrum of the Duke, Simon, falling for her and not wanting to marry her because of his issues with siring heirs that was also related to his issues with his late father... anyway. I prefer historical romance when the characters break with the status quo of the time. When they question cultural norms. And in this one the female character, Daphne, achieves her dream of marrying and having a family, changing the Duke's opinion about being a father. They live happily ever after. The end. So, I was enjoying it in the beginning but then it turned to be bleh in the end

2. A Princess in Theory (Reluctant Royals #1) by Alyssa Cole, 360p: Light and fun romance, with a smart black woman working in STEM research. I had to use my suspension of disbelief to accept the male character being a spoiled rich prince with a good heart (and not an asshole). It has that “fairy tale” feel to it when some things are too good to be true. But, hey, it's fantasy, and it made me smile.

3. Work Simply: Embracing the Power of Your Personal Productivity Style by Carson Tate, 304p: This book brings various productivity strategies based on what the author calls personal productivity styles. There is a questionnaire to help us identify what is our primary style. There are tips on how to write emails, how to manage emails, meeting strategies, task management, note-taking tips. But the core of getting organized is very similar to what is presented in David Allen's “Getting Things Done” method. The good-old “capture, clarify, organize, do”. Some things I think were overgeneralized according to the productivity style, like linking a person's style to how she decorates her office.

4. Weapons of Math Destruction: How Big Data Increases Inequality and Threatens Democracy by Cathy O'Neil, 254p: Excellent discussion on how the use of algorithms is affecting our education system, how likely are we to be hired, how much we pay for insurance and mortgages. These models have become black boxes that nobody knows exactly how they work but are considered reliable. What few people realize is that these algorithms are reinforcing discrimination and have biases built in them. So, instead of a fair objective system to evaluate whatever (loan approvals, credit scores, job candidates, school teacher's performance, etc), we have opaque models being applied everywhere that cannot be disputed or even understood. It's scary to think that our future life decisions will rely on algorithms.

5. The Getting Things Done Workbook by David Allen & Brandon Hall, 224p: This book was on my radar for a couple of months and this month I felt I needed a GTD refresher so I picked it up. I loved it! It's totally action-oriented: perfect for people who have already read the Getting Things Done original book. I enjoyed how it presented the 10 Moves going through all the 5 Steps in order. I learned a lot from it! I realized I was overcomplicating my system and the exercises put me back on track.

#readinglist #books #reading

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By Noisy Deadlines Minimalist in progress, nerdy, introvert, skeptic. I don't leave without my e-reader.

#flowers #photo #spring

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By Noisy Deadlines Minimalist in progress, nerdy, introvert, skeptic. I don't leave without my e-reader.

And then anxiety… physical manifestations include light dizziness, butterflies in my belly, light-headed, sweating and even light nausea.

I started this CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) and every week I find out more about my thoughts. I never judge or analyze my thoughts. I like talking with myself. So I never realized some of those talks were feeding my anxiety. I just thought I was super organized and liked to have my life under control. And I do. My partner sometimes calls me a “control freak”, in a good way. I’m the organizer and planner of the house. But something happened this past year (maybe it starts with PAN…) that destabilized my planning tendencies.

I’m feeling constantly overwhelmed these days. Especially at work. I can’t close my email tab for fear of missing out on important information and task requests from my manager. I feel like I have to be online and available all the time. If my manager calls me on my mobile and I don’t answer in 3 rings, I think he thinks I’m slacking off at home. I've been having thoughts and thoughts, ruminating on my last phone call conversation, and worrying about all the tasks I still have to finish. I fear my to-do list. It’s scary. I’m having trouble taking notes and deciding what to do next. It seems my work responsibilities are screaming at me all the time and it’s “go, go, go!”.

But I don’t want to go. I want to reflect. I want to breathe…. and then a deadline is coming in 24 hours so I fear it, I don’t stop to take a breath… and boom… anxiety.

On my CBT session today I was doing that exercise about Core Beliefs. The one you try to identify a core belief by completing the phrases: “I am…”, “Others are…”, “The world is…”, “The future is…”. When I got to think about what the world is, my answer was: “The world is cruel and merciless”. My feeling is that the world keeps throwing tasks at me without caring if I can handle them. The world doesn’t care about my feelings. Does it? Anyhow, the point I want to make is that this thought “the world is cruel” seemed so extreme! I was surprised by it. And the consequence is “The future is exhausting”. At least inside my head. What an anxiety-inducing place to be! 😶

So, I will be challenging these beliefs. And I will write about it. I am convinced my thoughts are helping with the overwhelmedness (is that a word?). I’ve never done any type of therapy before and I’m learning a lot.

Less overwhelmed days are coming…

#journal #noisymusings #anxiety

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By Noisy Deadlines Minimalist in progress, nerdy, introvert, skeptic. I don't leave without my e-reader.